How to escape the perfect Medieval tourist trap. Tallinn, Estonia
he boat from Helsinki, unfortunately, was just a short ride – 2hr. We sat on the outside deck with our backs against the wall trying to hide from the freezing air while watching seagulls dance around in the wind currents at the back of the boat. There were copious signs saying don’t feed the birds, I guess the birds didn’t know that, so they made the trip from Finland to Estonia with us – looking for a meal.
Tallinn is all you would expect from a medieval town geared towards tourists, you have medieval pubs, medieval dinner halls that serve medieval dinners on thick wooden tables, and candlelight with mead in big earthenware mugs…
1. Things to see
Ornate buildings with even more ornate doors, yes, we had to stand in front of each and every one of them to pose for a picture. Town squares full of cobbled streets and lined with comfort food restaurants and a few shops. Overall, it was exactly like you would picture a medieval town. Girls in period-dress trying to get you to come into their cafes, Wooden statues of short medieval men inviting you to have ‘refreshing and authentic medieval root beer’ for only 3 euro – and pointing the way.
There were many ornate churches we didn’t know the history of but made good pictures, a wooden walkway high up on the old city wall by the stone gates you could climb, that allowed a good lookout over a few city blocks which was worth the time just for the unique perspective. I think the entrance was only a few euro each.
We stayed at the Hilton, on the map it looked like it was right in the old center, in reality, it was on the far side of a large park, and gave just enough distance so that when we walked through the park we could see the edges of Tallinn (not the medieval) tourist district which was vastly different in architecture and experience. Rather run down, and a little sad and shabby. If you never venture outside the Old Town walls you’ll never notice.
Segways were on offer for a good price per hour, so we rented a couple and took off for the ‘cool’ section of town beyond the tourist medieval area that was called ‘bohemian’ – indeed in Kalamaja, there were a plethora of small bars, eateries, young families and couples hanging out, a plethora of old abandoned warehouses which will surely turn into expensive lofts as gentrification continues, lots of artistic graffiti that would never be allowed in the historic district. In short, there was MUCH more life in this area. If I ever get back to Tallinn, will certainly stay in this area. The crumbling but beautiful structures, the street fairs selling locally baked goods. This Tallinn beat the crap out of medieval kitsch.
Segways, although awkward-looking are excellent ways to cover a lot of ground, what would take you a full day to walk can be experienced in a few hours. When you’re going through over a dozen European cities on one trip there’s only so much your feet can take. Whenever we see a Segway we jump for them. This was the only city where we were able to rent them unsupervised and just go where we liked.
Our hotel had a pool and hot tub, also a bonus at the end of a long medieval day.
Architecture in the square
Great buildings
Pink doorways, the boat, hotel spa, and all around town
and more …
Antique shop windows
The main square at night
Kalamaja and the cooler side of Tallinn
Riding around on Segways and such
Hunting for cocktails
2. Nightlife
At night the large central cobblestone squares turn into red and yellow glows of lights as the restaurants and bars come alive full force for the dinner crowd. There’s not much else to do here at night except stay in your hotel or go out and eat and drink.
Most of the bars were geared toward tourist or either dive bars. When looking for the bathroom in one bar I was pointed to a small door with the sign ‘Narnia’ on it – lol. Alas, no white witches, just white porcelain.
Another club that served shots of absinthe, and different DJs in each of the warrens of rooms. Tallinn is tame but can be fun if you find the right places.
One drink too many
3. Spend
There’s a fair share of antique and curiosity shops for those with some extra money (or suitcase space). One positive thing about traveling with only carry-on luggage is that spending money on travel junk is never really an appeal.
4. Food
We did the expected thing and ate at one of the medieval restaurants (Old Hansa). If you’re here, why not? The portions were filling, the prices high and overall it was a fun themed restaurant. Our waiter tried to talk to us in old English or something like it but sounded a little insane. The restaurant was richly decorated with arched stone ceilings, thick tapestry, and drapes pulled partway back over the entrances, lots of dark oak wood paneling. Earthenware dishes and blown glass drinking glasses combined with elaborately simple comfort foods. Warm flat breads, deer jerky, and a mix of vegetables and game meats.
Medieval fare
5. Getting Around
Your feet. Almost everything is accessible.
6. Costs
Much cheaper than the Scandinavian and Nordic countries we came from. We felt we were back in Asia with paying just a few euro for cocktails and drinks and street food. The exception being the rather expensive medieval places that catered to tourists where inflated prices are part of the experience.
7. Tips
Stay in the old center for a night or two if you have to, but then move to Kalamaja, a much more interesting neighboorhood with locals and expats instead of boat tourists.
